Speaking with God from the Depths of the Heart
As for the agents of death,
the roots of the bitter fruit of the tree of damnation,
hostile kin, intimate adversaries, traitorous sons, I now
shall describe them in detail by name.
my sinister heart,
my gossiping mouth,
my lustful eyes,
my wanton ears,
my murderous hands,1
my weak kidneys,
my wayward feet,
my swaggering gait,
fugitive on the precipice,
garden of briars,
rusted ear of corn,
herd mentality blowhard,
brutishly wicked, hellishly greedy,
frenzied atheist, assassin ready to strike,
sower of thorns, woeful contentment,
debased majesty, defiled splendor, wasted ability,
humbled greatness, trampled glory,
persistent disobedience, willful error,
negligent steward, treacherous adviser, alienated friend,
corrupt official, covetous associate,
stingy boss, crooked supervisor,
soul without compassion, wish without charity,
hateful habit, insatiable appetite,3
imprudent actions, invisible damage,
secret curses, antagonizing events,
careless merchant, gluttonous exploiter,
drunken official, duplicitous treasure warden,4
dissension sowing emissary, sleeping doorman,
proud beggar, rich ingrate,5
dishonest secretary, untrustworthy custodian,
tardy messenger, wayward courier,
vexing envoy, foolish mediator,7
banished ruler, feeble king, broken-spirited emperor,
rogue prince, plundering general,
biased judge, capricious rabble,
for enemies – cause for snickering,
for friends – cause for tears,
for writers – cause for reproach,
for adversaries – cause for accusation.
For though I was indeed called by the highest names,
by my works I earned the worst of these descriptions.8
Thus, these are the multitude of seductive devices,
which I allowed to deceive me in my naiveté or
I allowed to prevail over me in my weakness,
condemning myself willfully to death.
Now, which of the things listed above,
abhorrent to you and devastating for me,
shall I offer in service to you?
Which of these things wrapped in corruption
shall I present before your holy majesty?
For how long will your patience
bear this many sins?
How much will you forgive?
How will you remain silent?
How will you even bear to listen?
How can you spare the rod
when I am worthy of being beaten to death?
But you visit the mercy of your light
in the pitch blackness of the dark side of the soul,
to cure, pardon and give us life.
O force that cannot be deterred,
to you glory in all things,